


Just Once

by Eltrkbarbarella



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Feels, First Kiss, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutually Unrequited, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Requited Unrequited Love, Unhappy Ending, Unrequited
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-13 03:17:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10505313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eltrkbarbarella/pseuds/Eltrkbarbarella
Summary: It's 3AM in a hotel room, and Jack suggests that they try it out kissing just once.





	1. Mark

**Author's Note:**

> So here's a little small fic with a bit of a rambly, different writing style from my usual stuff, and a fun little format. See also: proof that I can do unhappy endings.
> 
> I am sorry for the feels.
> 
> Jack POV to be posted soon.

_“Ever wondered what it’s like?”_  
  
  
It was late. Their little secluded space in Mark’s hotel room at 3AM felt like an adjacent reality where everything was quiet and still, like a safe space after the unbelievable rush of a convention.  
  
They were both so tired, strangely giddy in their exhaustion. Pushing and stretching the hours just a little longer until reality made itself present again and they had to pack up, and sleep, and then return to their respective houses. Back to the routine of recording, and editing, and uploading; and then recording, and editing, and uploading…  
  
Neither of them drank anything with their dinner.  
  
Both of them felt almost tipsy for some reason.  
  
  
_“Just to see what all the fuss of shipping is about.”_  
  
  
Jack was bouncing on the hotel bed just a few minutes ago, somehow still full of energy and excitement after their messy, loud and busy weekend. Mark admired him with bright eyes, and with the impression that Jack would burst into a million sparks the minute he stopped looking.  
  
And then Jack let himself flop down on the bed, arms spread wide across the mattress, eyes closed, and finally still for once.  
  
And time stood still.  
  
They shouldn’t be held accountable for conversations in that particular stretch of reality.  
  
They were stupid, and tired, and drunk on residual energy from the Con, and there’s really no one to blame for that.  
  
  
_“Just once, just to try it.”_  
  
  
A big loud smooch, right on the center of Jack’s lips, like a Bugs Bunny cartoon. Lost in their giggles and hidden away in their bubble of time and space.  
  
  
_“Not like that, you doof. Give me your best try.”_  
  
  
And then Jack cupped his jaw, and then Jack looked him in the eyes, and then Jack drew closer, and then Mark’s heart flipped over on his chest, and then they were kissing.  
  
And time stood still.  
  
There was something electric buzzing on the tip of Mark’s tongue. It was like consuming all of that energy that constantly poured out of Jack. Soft, wet, lips chapped, _perfect._  
  
Terrifying.  
  
Was it the cold grip of dread or something else entirely fluttering around in Mark’s stomach?  Something inside Mark’s chest clicked into place, and it had never done that before in his life. Mark clung to Jack’s shoulders like a man clinging to the last bits of his sanity.  
  
  
_“Wow.”_  
  
  
And then they weren’t kissing anymore.  
  
And Jack’s lips were pink, and wet, and perfect, and the only thing going through Mark’s head was: _Again_.  
  
  
_“That was weird.”_  
  
  
That cold twist on his stomach started up again.  
  
  
_“We’re definitely never doing that again.”_  
  
  
Mark’s lips were still wet. He still felt the energy on the tip of his tongue. Something in his chest snapped in two.  
  
  
_“At least we know for sure we’re not into each other, right?”_  
  
  
And the spell was broken.  
  
And time barreled forwards and hit Mark across the face, and it was 3AM and they had to go back to their lives, and they had to record, and edit, and upload, and record, and edit…  
  
Mark wished he could edit this whole period of madness out of his life.  
  
“Yeah,” Mark finally answered, through gritted teeth. Energy still sparking on the tip of his tongue, the dread and cold grip of reality heavy on his broken heart. “Never again.”


	2. Jack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the second part. This time: Jack's POV.
> 
> The format in this one is a little odd, kind of like hitting rewind on a video, so I recommend you re-read chapter one to refresh your memory of it. You can read this chapter normally AND backwards!

_“At least we know for sure we’re not into each other, right?”_  
  
  
Jack couldn’t bear to look at Mark. Everything was spinning and there was a weird ringing in his ears. He had to say something. He had to deny it somehow. He couldn’t let it show, not now, not ever.  
  
His world was falling to pieces around him, breaking apart like his heart.  
  
But no one needed to know that.  
  
  
_“We’re definitely never doing that again.”_  
  
  
If that was the end result of finally kissing Mark, he never ever would be able to do that again: his heart just wouldn’t be able to take it. Opening his eyes and seeing Mark there, eyes still closed, just that little hint of a frown between his brows, he was obviously upset. The world crashed around Jack and he couldn’t even remember the soft glow of the desk lamp, the softness of the mattress beneath him, the warmth of Mark’s lips on his own.  
  
Fear, and pain, and so much that could go wrong.  
  
  
_“That was weird.”_  
  
  
It was weird. It was the weirdest thing ever. While they kissed somehow the world had fallen into place, and Jack never noticed just how askew and tilted the whole world was until he saw himself apart from Mark’s lips after kissing him just once.  
  
  
_“Wow.”_  
  
  
It should have felt wrong.  
It didn’t.  
  
It should have been awkward.  
But it wasn’t.  
  
Mark looked nervous. Mark looked vulnerable. Mark looked soft, and inviting, and like everything Jack had ever wished for in his life. And Jack leaned in. And then they were kissing.  
  
The noise in Jack’s head, the unbearable spinning, the buzz of anxiety that nowadays never seemed to leave him alone: everything stopped. And Jack let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  
  
And Jack let out so much he didn’t even realize he was holding.  
  
Sharp, and smooth, and wet, and _Mark_.  
  
It shouldn’t feel this good.  
  
  
_“Not like that, you doof. Give me your best try.”_  
  
  
That was it? That wasn’t right. No that wasn’t right at all.  
  
_More,_ something inside him sang. He shouldn’t want more. Mark was going to think he was weird. Mark was going to hate him. _More_ , he thought again. And it was 3AM and Jack didn’t know what he was doing, but the only thing he understood at the moment was that it wasn’t enough.  
  
  
_“Just once, just to try it.”_  
  
  
It was late, Jack was feeling tired, Jack was feeling giddy, Jack was feeling dumb, Jack was looking for excuses.  
  
Jack was honestly surprised Mark hadn’t called him out on his bullshit yet.  
  
Jack was feeling desperate. Jack was feeling alone. Jack was missing the weekend already, and it was 3AM.  
  
  
_“Just to see what all the fuss of shipping is about.”_  
  
  
And that was the perfect excuse. And that was absolutely justifiable, just curiosity, just a test, just something for fun.  
  
It’s not like Jack counted the days until he could see his friend again, it’s not like his heart soared with every stupid short message Mark left him, it’s not like his collabs were the most fun he had recording nowadays.  
  
It wasn’t like Mark meant so much to him he couldn’t even put it into words anymore.  
  
But no one needed to know that.  
  
  
_“Ever wondered what it’s like?”_  
  
  
Jack did.  
  
Jack wondered when Mark smiled up at him when he jumped on a hotel bed like they were two stupid kids. Jack wondered when Mark just didn’t want to say goodbye yet and invited him into his room. Jack wondered when Mark sat by him during dinner. Jack wondered when Mark stood by him in the signings. Jack wondered when Mark invited him to his panel. Jack wondered when Mark talked to him for hours on Skype. Jack wondered when Mark first suggested a collab. Jack wondered when he was a nobody with shitty internet connection in a log cabin in the middle of nowhere.  
  
And that was exactly why Jack was so terrified of being rejected that he decided to save himself the heartache and back away before getting his heart smashed into pieces.  
  
“Never again.”  
  
But no one needed to know that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you missed the note in the beginning: you can also read this chapter backwards!
> 
> Sorry for all the broken hearts and I hope you enjoyed this little experimental style of mine♡♡♡♡


End file.
